DirkJake oneshots
by Pecandy
Summary: just a few unrelated smutshots with these cutes
1. bootyshorts

It's Thursday night and Jake's invited Dirk over for their weekly dinner and a movie. Most weeks, they see each other pretty often bordering on a _lot_, but Jake's been super busy with term papers and Dirk's had work and neither of them have had time to hang out since Thursday. And so, when Jake opens the door wearing _those _shorts, overworked-and-undersexed Dirk nearly pops a boner on the welcome mat. Those thin, tight bootyshorts that conjured up so many memories from krypton-land all those years ago. Those fucking shorts that hugged him and fell off him in all the right places, that hinted at his smooth, caramel skin through worn tears in the fabric.

Jake smiles and invites him in. His place always smells and looks wonderful, like something out of a commercial, nothing like Dirk's bachelor pad smuppet den of filth. He leads Dirk to the kitchen where he has some simple ingredients sitting out.

"Darl, I'll dilly up the mango ice and leave the pasta to you, yeah?" he says in his goofy, sing-song voice, and kisses Dirk on the nose before flipping away to the other side of the counter. He starts chopping happily, humming some overture Dirk vaguely recognizes as William Tell something. More importantly, when Jake leans over to scoop the wet flesh from the skin of the fruit (making some sickeningly erotic sounds in the process) his ass juts out in just the most tempting way.

Dirk quickly cracks a handful of pasta in half and throws it into a pot of cold water. He flashsteps behind Jake and cups his ass with open palms, making him gasp and drop his knife on the countertop. "Like your pants, shug," Dirk whispers into Jake's ear with that drawl he knows he loves.

"D-Dirk, the dinner." Dirk ignores him.

"Remember the first time I saw you in these?" He trails his nose and lips down Jake's neck, smiling at the tiny sound he makes at the thought, and gently kneads his muscles under that perfect layer of babyfat. "'Member how I ate you open and fucked you 'til you screamed my name?"

"O-oh, Dirk…" his voice is breathless, the dessert forgotten.

Dirk grabs his cheeks harder. "Remember how I spanked you red? How much you loved it?" He licks Jake's neck and nibbles his ear, and Jake moans out loud and grinds into him. Dirk traces Jake's lips with his hand, trails it slowly down his neck, chest, stomach to palm at the bulge in his pants. Jake shudders and tries to turn around, but Dirk holds him in place. Maybe he's being mean, but the sounds Jake makes tells him that he doesn't mind mean, not at all. He fingers the hem of the shorts, touching the line where his crack ends, and yanks it down with his underwear. "Missed you, baby."

"Mmm!" Jake melts into Dirk's arms, his knees going out when Dirk slaps the round flesh hard with an open palm. He cups his fingers and brings his hand down again, and Jake writhes and moans, such a sucker for pain.

"Like that?"

"Sweet lord, yes," Jake responds huskily. Dirk slaps him again and he full-on whimpers and bends farther over the counter. Perfect. Dirk leans down and plants his face between Jake's legs. Of course, he's so clean Dirk can smell the sweet soap on his skin; there were more than a few perks to having a concrete, unchanging boyfriend day. Dirk flicks his tongue up Jake's balls and taint, licking slowly and carefully everywhere he can until he reaches his hole. Spreading his cheeks farther apart with his hands, he licks long swipes up and down and sideways over Jake's ass. "Jerk yourself off, babe," he whispers, then spears his tongue in.

Dirk wishes he could spank him through this, but he has to use both hands to keep himself from being suffocated by choice ass (though of all the ways to go, he couldn't think of a better one…) He wishes he could talk, so he could tell Jake how as soon as dinner was done he'll be fucking him into the wall, the mattress, the couch, pounding and smacking his tight buns so hard he'll see stars. But his tongue is busy with a more important job, rimming him silly until he shoots on the cabinets. Which probably won't take long- Jake's hand is speeding up on his cock, squeezing the tip and stroking the frenum and moaning on autopilot like he does when he's close. Dirk makes out a "I- I'm-" through the sounds just before his tongue is caught in a vice-grip. He's stuck there for a few moments while Jake whimpers and shakes, until his ass loosens and he sinks to the floor with a happy _thud_. He looks up at Dirk and smiles through half-lidded eyes.

"Goodness, how I've missed you too," he murmurs as he pulls Dirk to the floor.

* * *

Not for the first time, home-cooked-dinner Thursday becomes delivery-pizza Thursday, and that's more than okay with both of them.

* * *

**a/n: **hi there so i've been writing these imma put some up here but a lot of them are in the second person which for some reason isn't okay with this site... so i'll put up what i can aiight


	2. ponyplay

In a small coffee shop in the heart of the city Dirk Strider sipped at an over-brewed latte and checked his phone (and his reflection). He was ten minutes early and still nervous as hell, because he was finally meeting Jake From The Internet to finally act out his pony thing. They'd been messaging for a few months, their recent correspondences filled with lusty promises, revealing photos and videos, and plans to meet. And this was it. This was the meeting. Dirk snapped his head up every time the entrance bell rang, searching for the dark-skinned, glasses-clad 5-9" fairly muscled dork he'd been talking to. And finally, with seven minutes to spare before 2:00, he walked in.

He definitely hadn't been photoshopping his pictures. No, all the body he could see from the lose explorer-type he was every bit as cut and luscious as he'd looked online. Dirk's heart was pounding in his chest before Jake even looked his way. Then he did, and waved, and _smiled_ and fuck if he didn't have buck teeth and eyes that shone. Dirk waved back and pocketed his phone as Jake made his way towards him. "Strider, yes?" His voice was even better in person, his accent more lilting and pronounced.

"Dirk. It's, uh. Great to finally meet you." Jake beamed and Dirk hoped he wasn't blushing already.

"Likewise!" His grin grew. "Now, Dirk, I'd love to chat you up to the high heavens, but I do feel there's a more pressing matter at hand, yeah?" Dirk was definitely blushing now.

"Yeah, yeah. There's an hourly place a few blocks from here."

"To the hourly place we go! Another moment looking at you and I might have to just take you to the bathroom for a lil' diddle, good grace." He reached out and touched Dirk's arm with calloused fingers, and smirked.

Dirk tried his hardest to think of the most strange, disgusting images he could on the walk. He'd planned to get to know Jake a little on the way, but the guy was turning out to be a total sex kitten, pausing in his adorable stories to whisper in Dirk's ear, asking if he was ready to be a prize pony, what equipment he'd brought in that backpack, if he thought about him putting it on him when he packed it this morning. Then telling him he had the "dinkiest" blush. Then promising to fuck him until his whole body was pink.

Finally, they reached the run-down motel. Dirk could almost smell the old needles and hookers from the door, but it was the nicest place in the neighborhood. "An hour single, please," he said to the clerk, but Jake cut in.

"Make that three hours." He smacked Dirk's butt softly beneath the counter. The clerk rolled his eyes and took Jake's credit card.

_What the fuck did I get myself into?_

The clerk handed them a key and pointed to the south side, and the Jake bounded away before he could thank him.

Jake was waiting in the room by the time Dirk made his way there. He whipped the door open and pulled Dirk inside forcefully, locked the door with a sharp click and threw Dirk into a wall. He bit his neck hard, making Dirk gasp, then licked over the sting. "Gadzooks. Just bloody look at you. So sexy-" he ran his fingers down his arms, then into the soft skin under the bottom of his shirt and up, "wow. Clothes off, and get your things out." He fished though his pockets and pulled out a long roll of condoms and an unopened bottle of lube, and grinned devilishly. "Tut-tut, get to it."

"Right. You too," Dirk said as he unbuckled his belt and tossed off his shirt. Jake gasped happily when he saw his chest.

"Goodness! You just get better and better. So tiny, I bet they're really sensitive, aren't they?" He twisted a nipple before Dirk could answer, but apparently the grunt Dirk made was enough. "And no, later. First, get ready for me, horsey doll." Dirk felt his chest go tight and took off his pants quickly to distract himself. He was too keyed up too soon, this could be embarrassing. "Oh, you_ do_ like that, don't you? Well, it'll feel even better doing it than just thinking about it, I'll make sure of that. Show me, what did you bring?" Dirk bent down to unzip his backpack, and Jake kicked his back lightly. "Pants, too."

Dirk pointed to his pants a few feet away, and Jake rolled his eyes. "Don't be difficult." He squatted down to his level and yanked down his boxers. "Well," he said wonderingly, and shifted onto his knees. Dirk moaned out loud when Jake began kissing the new skin- hips, pubes, thighs, and his half-hard dick. "Show me," Jake said, and went back to kissing and licking all over.

With shaking hands, Dirk pulled from his bag a leather crop, a saddle, a plug-tail, and a headcollar with a bit. Jake giggled. "So hard just looking at them, aren't you, old boy?"

Dirk shifted uncomfortably, Jake still licking and sucking marks into his pubic bone. "So- what- do you want me to put them on now?"

"Yes. Oh, but leave the tail for me." He pulled back and sat cross-legged on the floor a few feet away.

Dirk tossed Jake the whip, put on the headcollar with ease, and got on all fours for the saddle. This part was awkward, he'd never used the saddle by himself, just imagined someone else putting one on and riding him. Since they'd started talking, that person had always been Jake. He looked up at him, but the rubber bar in his mouth pressed against his tongue and muted him.

"Need some help with that?" Dirk nodded and Jake got up. "Do you have any idea- golly." He fitted on the saddle with ease. "If it's too much, I want you to neigh three times, is that clear?" Dirk nodded hazily. "Good. So good, oh goodness Dirk. I mean, Dixie." Dirk whinnied. "Good girl. I'm gonna ride you, Dixie, you fit?" He waited until Dirk straightened his back, and got on.

Dirk's pulse was pounding in his ears, face, and chest like a torrent. He felt the whip crack against his shoulder with a throb to his dick, and started to gait forward. Jake cooed and stroked his hair. "There's a good girl. Take me to the bed." He trailed the soft hair of the tail over Dirk's shoulders, and Dirk hobbled as fast as he could on his hands and knees with his dick throbbing and head singing. When they made it, Jake stood up and started fishing though his pockets again, pulling out two long black socks. "Now, pet, your hands and legs are filthy. I'm afraid we can't use them until we've had a bath." He grabbed Dirk by the upper arm and threw him on his back, then tied his wrists to the bedposts. "You remember your safety?" Dirk nodded. "Good, good," he whispered as he pulled Dirk's thighs apart.

Jake unwrapped a condom and sheathed his fingers in it, then poured some lube on it. He pressed against Dirk's hole, getting it slick before pushing in. His fingers slid right in. "So loose, did you loosen up yourself for me, Dixie?" Dirk blushed, he had. Jake added another finger easily, scissored and widened his fingers gently until Dirk was loose enough to more than comfortably take the plug. But still, he covered it liberally in lube, and pressed it in so slowly Dirk thought he could hear their heartbeats thrum together. As soon as it passed the widest point, the rest was sucked in quickly, and Dirk's eyes rolled back with the pressure to his prostate. Jake brought his hand to his mouth and moaned.

"Go- oh, Dirk, you must see yourself, may I take a picture?" Dirk nodded. He could do whatever he wanted to him as long as he wanted and Dirk would love it all.

Jake fumbled in his pockets, and dropped the phone twice before the snapping sound clicked from the phone. He looked at his screen, then back to Dirk, and flipped the phone around. What Dirk saw didn't look like himself, but some vaguely Strider-looking man splotched bright pink and pale peach, tied up and gagged and plugged with a black bushy tail. _Dixie._

Dirk realized that his eyes were watering, spilling little rivulets down his cheeks, when Jake bent over and licked them away. "Poor girl. It's too much, isn't it? Gotta come, darl, yeah?" Dirk made a desperate keen. _Yes yes please master-_

Jake licked down his chest, stomach, and abdomen quickly, then unwrapped another condom. He popped it in his mouth and Dirk's eyes fluttered and rolled up to the ceiling. Before he had time to think, he was surrounded by Jake's soft, warm mouth. He could barely feel the rubber, just waves of pleasure as Jake licked and sucked his dick like it was the only thing in the room. When he started pressing the plug deeper into him, Dirk whinnied and came, his world blurring into blissful darkness.

Jake was jerking himself off when he opened his eyes again. "Bloody hell, Dirk- Fuck, I want to eat you up- please come get tested with me tomorrow- Oh Dixie, that was better than I ever-" His hand sped up and Dirk desperately wished he could touch this gorgeous man above him, or suck him, or lick him open.  
"_Oh, Dixie-_" Thick white streams landed on Dirk's stomach, which Jake leaned over and started sucking away before he even stopped quivering. Then, he lay on top of Dirk and kissed his neck. "Wonderful."

He untied the socks. "Shower, I want to touch you more. Friglolly, why didn't we get our tests before?" The second he undid the bit, Dirk grabbed his head and pressed their lips together. Jake moaned softly, clearly wanting to open his mouth but too much of a gentleman to share his come without explicit permission. Dirk pulled away to kiss the side of his face, and dragged him to the bathroom.

"Wash your mouth, fuck." Jake turned the water on and rinsed his mouth with a new package of hotel soap, not even wincing at the bitterness. Dirk grabbed him and pinned him to the bathroom door, and began to kiss into him all the hope and thanks and lust and infatuation that he couldn't find the words to say just yet. He couldn't wait for the rest of _this_.


	3. porno

Two men stumble into their bedroom half-drunk on love and expensive wine. Dirk had asked Jake to marry him over their anniversary dinner in Cairo, and Jake had accepted.

Jake fumbles between kisses in the living room, imploring Dirk to wait until he finds the camera.

"I never want to forget anything about tonight," he explains. Dirk humphs, impatient, and starts undressing him as he fishes through the cabinets. By the time he finally finds it, they're both a a sloppy mess of underclothes and spit. Jake tells Dirk to set it up, he doesn't know how, and lays on the bed.

As soon as Dirk clicks the recorder on, he sees Jake spread eage on the bed with sex-flushed skin and sleepy grin on the _screen, on tape_ he was so glad they took the time to get it. He set it on the table a few feet from the bed while Jake starts rubbing the outside of his boxers. Dirk finishes adjusting everything just right and joins him on the bed and kisses him slowly, hungrily.

Dirk trails his fingers up and down Jake's muscled chest, and Jake purrs softly into his mouth. He's rocking what little he can under a 130-pound man, and digging into the back of Dirk's legs with his heels. Dirk leans back and breathes into Jake's ear. "What do you want, baby?"

Jake shivers and ruts up. "You, forever," he says, and pulls his face to him for another kiss.

Dirk really hopes the camera picked that up because good lord his boyf- no, his _fiancée_ is such a perfectly mushy romantic ball of goo; god, is he lucky. His kisses Jake's nose and flushed coffee-colored cheeks, which makes him twitch and giggle under him. _Ticklish_ _dork_. "I love you so much."

"I love you too, darling." He strokes Dirk's face with his thumb. "How did I ever manage your heart?" he asks softly, adoring wonder plain in his face. Dirk smiles broadly and Jake pushes him onto his back and pins his wrists to the bedsheets before he respond. He leans and whispers in Dirk's ear. "Enough kissing for now, wouldn't you say? I'd rather suck you tonight, nice and long." Dirk groans, and Jake starts licking into the shell of Dirk's ear and Dirk feels his face flame up. "Then fuck you until you're screaming my name."

Dirk's throat dries up and his first few attempts at a response come out as croaks. Finally, he lets out a mangled, "Fuck."

Jake slaps Dirk's chest jokingly and gasps. "Your language is reprehensible, Mr. English."

Dirk smiles at the name. "What the fuck are you going to do about it, Mr. Strider?"

"How I love the sound of being called that," Jake murmurs, and yanks off Dirk's briefs. He kisses his pube stubble and sucks the skin over the indents of his muscles. He bites the insides of his thighs, worries the skin between his teeth just how Dirk likes and god he was leaking and Jake hadn't even touched his dick.

"Mmmm, baby, so good…" he grabs Jake's hair but doesn't force him anywhere. He loves edging, and Jake is always eager to indulge. "Fuckin perfect."

Jake hums on a patch on skin just beside Dirk's cock and little vibrations shiver through him. He bounds his hips up, desperate for more, but Jake presses him firmly to the mattress, and proceeds to give Dirk the most deliciously slow blowjob he'd ever imagined. It's maddeningly long; he just licks and licks and waitsto take him in or swirl the tip. When he finally opens up his kiss on the head of Dirk's cock- rather than gliding back down to his balls and making another round- it's with such little strength or pressure that Dirk cries out in frustration and involuntarily bucks up into his mouth. And Jake takes him down.

Dirk's face twists up and he moans unabashedly as Jake licks and sucks around him. He's fisting the base and thumbingjust under his balls, he knows him so fucking well it's impossible, and it's more than Dirk can take after so much denial. "Let me come, babe, please…"

Jake moans loud and the vibration is incredible, and Dirk can hear him jerking himself off. He comes groaning and clenching everywhere. Jake, always such the gentleman, sucks him through it and swallows every drop. He pulls away when Dirk is totally limp and licks his lips.

"Mmmm, that was utterly steamy. I do love seeing you come apart like that." He's still fisting himself through his underwear, and Dirk grabs him and places his hand on top of Jake's. He squeezes and speeds up the pace, and Jake hisses appreciatively.

"'S that so, baby? Like making me come?" Jake licks Dirk's neck and hums in agreement. "Because I love making you come, too. I love it when you fill me up and take whatever you want from me." Jake is moaning and canting into Dirk's hands. "Like fucking me, baby?"

"_Gods yes."_

"Then do it."

Jake pulls himself away and rolls back between Dirk's thighs, grabbing the lube from the side of the bed. Neither of them really need much prep anymore, but that doesn't mean they couldn't still enjoy it. Jake licks around Dirk's sphincter and nestles his fingers against his prostate and presses firmly as he opens him up, and Dirk is hard and ready to go again in minutes.

Dirk grabs the bottle squirts some more lube on Jake's dick. He rubs it on luxuriously longer than he needs to before letting go and using his hands to hold his legs open.

Jake enters Dirk without preamble and Dirk moans in pleasure. When Jake starts moving, Dirk can't stop himself from rambling about how good it feels, how perfect his cock is and he is and how much he loves him.

Jake can never kiss Dirk when he was like this- he likes kissing during sex, it's sweet and passionate and lovely; but he loves to hear Dirk pouring out raw, uncensored love, for _him_. He settles on kissing his neck, bending his legs back just a bit more to reach. Dirk seems to really like the new position, if the desperate alto of his speech is anything to go by. Which is good, because Jake is getting pretty close too. He whispers in Dirk's ear, his voice hoarse. "Ready?"

Dirk nods and starts jacking himself, until Jake almost instantly grabs his hand away and does it himself. Dirk's eyes roll back into his head and he starts spasming and tightening around Jake's dick and they both come screaming, latched on to each other, breathing each other's air.

They forget about the camera and cuddle for over an hour, whispering to each other promises and plans that the speakers can't quite pick up. They begin kissing again, their hands lazily roaming each other's bodies. Jake opens his legs and Dirk reaches for the lube and the camera runs out of film with a click.


	4. filth

**warnings: **(consensual) name-calling, degradation, spitting, watersports, desperation kink

Dirk loves the way Jake looks first thing in the morning. Before he's awake, before all that adorable lively energy starts thrumming through his skin- not that he doesn't love that, too. But the mornings, he's so soft, so warm and pliant and perfect. His cocoa skin shines with the soft stripes of light that peek through the drapes, his nostrils flare oh-so-softly with every tiny breath, his mouth hangs open a little with a tiny line of drool spilling to his chin. He's just so vulnerable.

Dirk loves to be able to take that in, to watch him for long timeless moments before rustling to wake him up. He loves seeing his eyelids open up softly and the disorientation fade away when he meets Dirk's gaze. He loves that slow smile, and feeling him wrap his sleep-warmed arms around him and pull him in for a deep, unhurried, morning-breathy kiss.

Which is why, at the moment, he felt like kicking his boner in the face. Because as much as he wanted to enjoy this, he couldn't stop thinking in terms of a half-wet dream he must have had the night before.

He moved his hand- gently, didn't want to wake Jake just yet- to check his boxers. No mess. Good. But also not good, because he had a gigantic boner and huge load of piss to take care of. Well. This presented quite the dilemma, didn't it.

"Hey baby," he cooed softly, and regretted it as soon as the words came out of his mouth. This was dumb. _Hey baby wanna take care of my morningwood isn't that hot and a totally cool thing to ask?_ How about no.

"Hmmmmn?" Jake's face flickered and he moved, hugging his pillow closer and opening his eyes a little. "Oh, hello."

"Gotta go to the bathroom, be right back."

"Wha- you woke me up to tell me that? Why in the heavens…?"

"Uh, I don't know. Must be over-tired. Hah. Tequila will do that."

Jake eyed him suspiciously. He wasn't buying it at all, _shit._ "Dirk?"

"What."

"Why did you wake me up, really?" he asked. Dirk turned around. Jake's eyes immediately went to his boner, and he raised an eyebrow.

"It was dumb, sorry. I shouldn't have woken you up for something so dumb. I'm going to, uh. Shower. Wink wink." God, this was mortifying. He looked away and started to leave, but Jake grabbed his hand.

"Hold up, what makes you think I wouldn't want to? It's a little early, but who's timing? Besides, I think this could be fun…" his voice trailed off with a mischievous lilt.

"Uh."

"C'mon, let's do that thing you like. Seems fitting, don't you think?" Dirk blushed. He didn't have to name it. They both knew what the "thing" was.

"O-okay. But, I gotta take a leak too. So."

Jake grinned. "About time to change these sheets anyhow."

"You can't be serious."

"Say yes, darling, I know you want to."

"…Okay."

Jake sat up and clapped his hands together, smiling. "Excellent! Just great. I dare say I love this just as much as you. Now, kneel." His voice didn't change, but something in his eyes became more predatory, and Dirk knew it'd started. Oh god. He was so turned on already, this would be sweet. He sat on the bed and waited.

"So, got a spot of morningwood, do you?" He nodded. "Why don't you take your shorts off, show me." Dirk started taking off his pants, but Jake cut him off. "Ah-ah-ah, slow down! Goodness, has your generation never heard of patience? Pathetic." _Fuck_, that voice, so easy and condescending… Dirk whimpered quietly and undid the pants as slowly as he could. It burned. Jake knew.

"Jinkies! That looks almost painful. Must have been some dream. Was it a dream?" Dirk nodded. It was coming back to him now. "What was it? Speak."

"Uh-" Jake slapped him in the face and he reared back, moaning.

"How many times have I told you to can those reprehensible filler words? A waste of your time and, more importantly, mine. Do you like wasting my time?"

"No. Sorry."

"Good. Continue."

"It was about you."

"It damn well better have been. I won't stand for infidelity. What was I doing?"

"You were d-dressed like a—" he stopped.

Jake's eyes glowered dangerously. "Like a _what_, skank?"

"Woman." Jake smirked and rolled his eyes. "In a bright blue dress. Wearing stilettos, and spreading your legs. Begging for me."

"_Me_? Begging _you_? For _penetration_?" he asked with exaggerated awe.

"No."

"Ah, I see. Even in your deepest fantasies, you're the one being fucked. How entirely selfish of you."

His chest tightened and he felt his cheeks flush harder, but he didn't respond. Jake didn't mean it, he knew, but it still made him feel like a dirty, awful little whore. And he loved that.

"So, then. Did you ride me?"

"No."

"Did I fuck you?"

"Yes."

"Of course." He reached a foot out and pressed it into Dirk's erection, making him gasp from the sweet, teasing friction. "Well, then. I think it's only fitting for you to ride me then, isn't it? I know it takes you oh-so-long to come like that." Dirk whimpered. "A fitting punishment for assuming for a second that I'd cater to your whoreish whims." Dirk nodded, and waited. Jake stared at him for a moment before wrinkling his face in disgust. "Ugh. You're not just going to get it by virtue of having a stiff prick. You have to earn it. Really, could you _be _any more of an entitled slut?"

"I'm sorry."

"Better be."

"Can I suck you?"

"Suck me, lick me, tonguefuck me, I don't give a rat's rotten ass what you do. Just make me want to reward you if you want to get off."

Dirk leaned down and pulled off Jake's pants, feeling the heat of his glare follow him. He licked and sucked at the skin of his hipbones, something Jake usually loved and whimpered at. Now, he hissed viciously, like Dirk was some gross pet that didn't know better than to not lick at its owner's feet. He trailed his tongue lower, wanting to ask if it was good, knowing the answer would be 'try harder.'

When he reached Jake's pubes, he nipped and gently pulled how he knew Jake liked it, and _finally_ got a satisfied little grunt out of him. It was dumb. He knew Jake was enjoying it whether he made sound or not. But the more he got into this, the more he wanted to please _this_ Jake, the one who called him all those awful names and gave him bruises that welted up so fucking bright and beautiful for weeks after.

He moved lower, licking his way down to his groin, making it as good as he could. He was slow, taking care to get him sensitive first, mouthing wetly over his balls and base and root before making his way up. Jake's breathing barely faltered the whole time, seemingly bored, sometimes even sighing and rolling his eyes. And then Dirk did that thing where he pushed back Jake's foreskin with his lips and circled the underside of his tongue all along the head while pressing a wet knuckle at his perineum, and Jake made the most desperate, fluttery moan Dirk ever heard. He froze, and Jake immediately composed himself, kicking him away so hard and suddenly he fell off the bed.

"What the fuck was that? Sweet fuck, you _vile_ little trollop. No fucking patience, do you want me to blow all over you right now? Because I'll leave when I'm finished, you know I will."

Dirk flushed and looked down as he got to his feet.

"Get the bloody lube."

"Yes, sir." Dirk riled through the underwear drawer he knew Jake kept it in, getting more and more frantic as he couldn't find it.

"Do I _actually_ have to tell you to hurry the fuck up now? You?"

Just then, he found it, thank fuck. "No, sir." He grabbed the bottle and sat back between Jake's open thighs, handing it to him, and Jake spat in his face. Dirk gasped and his eyes fluttered shut in sick, lovely shock.

"Well, get back to it, cunt." Dirk leaned down, not bothering to wipe his face. "And none of that whore shit until I tell you to."

He took it slow. Flat licks, nothing sharp or fast or too intense. And after a few moments, he could feel his heartbeat slow a bit, felt his bright red cheeks cool. When Jake reached over and pressed two slick fingers into him, he gasped, but if he distracted himself enough from imagination of the next few minutes to come, the throbbing was tolerable. And then, Jake's foot wormed down. And traced along his lower stomach. And slowly, firmly, pressed up into it. Dirk whimpered and reared back. "Oh fuck please no."

_Slap._ "Who the fuck do you think you are?" He pressed the ball foot harder and Dirk's eyes rolled back in his head, using all his willpower to not crank on the pisshose. It burned like fucking lightning. "Ugh, fine. If you want to be in pain, I suppose I don't mind allowing you." He leaned back, his dick sitting up at a slight angle. "Right-o, then. Hop on."

Dirk climbed up and positioned himself. It shouldn't have hurt, they did this enough that he could easily take Jake's cock without prep. But this time, he couldn't relax- and Jake could tell, and he was pushing up anyways, maybe _because _of it, and it burned so fucking good and hot and fuckfuckfuck this was too good too soon he couldn't think—

Jake didn't wait though, didn't stop. Not when Dirk didn't give the word. He knew that meant he wanted, needed more. So he gave him more. Over and over, taking over the thrusts when Dirk stopped rolling his hips and froze, shuddering and whimpering over him with glazed eyes.

God, how he looked the picture of arousal- his personal little vixen, out of his mind with pleasure and pain and the bliss of being owned. It was tempting to just come, and make Dirk finish himself off- he would hate it, love it- but he didn't want to this time. He wanted to take care of him. Suddenly, Dirk gasped over him, grabbing his hand hard and staring at him with huge eyes. He didn't have to say it, Jake knew what he meant, but he still waited a moment to be sure.

"Y-y-y-ugoslavia."

Yep, there it was. Jake stilled and looked up at him, concerned. "Baby? You okay?" He reached out and rubbed Dirk's hip, only to have him jerk away violently. "What's wrong?"

"I- I can't- I'm gonna piss, fuck, don't wanna piss on you, oh jesus, not gonna be able to hold it when—"

"Didn't I tell you that was fine?"

Dirk moaned. "N—Jake, fuck-"

"Enough of the game." He thrust his hips up again, ripping a high moan rip from his throat. "Come on, piss on me, baby…" he thrust up again and Dirk groaned, that desperate, sexy can't-quite-come beg he sometimes made when they played this way. And he wanted to see

Dirk lose his mind, to hear him yell and feel his hot come drip down his chest. He rammed up a few times, aiming with quick, concentrated thrusts where he knew they would make Dirk scream.

And scream he did.

And shake, and moan, and come in thick, fast jets. And then he started softening, and his face went wide with horror as the stream started. He buried his bright red face in his hands as it picked up pace, so hard it dented Jake's skin and Jake so wanted to comfort him but the sensation was too much, he couldn't think. He thrust up a few times more and came from the filthiness of it, his vision going black and everything reduced to the hot wetness around him and the coldness on his chest.

He came to a few moments later to the feeling of Dirk's tongue at his neck. And his chest against his- oh, _god_, he was getting himself filthy. Jake cupped his face and pulled him to him for a long, sweet kiss. Well, as long as he could go before the wetness started dripping around him, starting to feel less than pleasant on his skin. He pulled away and Dirk looked at him with that vulnerable, confused look he always had after a scene.

Jake rubbed his hip soothingly. "I'm sorry, darl, I just- I loved it at the time, but-"

"Oh. It's okay, I get it," Dirk said, and sat up slowly. He untangled himself from Jake, his skin shivering as cooled golden drops slid down his chest. "We should clean it before it gets into the bed."

"Yeah…" Jake answered breathlessly. "You've a dirty towel in your laundry?" he asked as he started pulling the sheets away. Dirk tossed him one. "Next time, we should plan. I'm positive they have equipment for this sort of thing."

Dirk grinned. "'Next time.'" Shit, did he say that? "You been looking to do this awhile, haven't you? Shoulda known when you jumped at it like that."

"What do yo- oh, bother. Yes, I have. Did you like it?"

"If you like it, I love it."

"Oh, stop that nonsense," he said, but he was grinning. "I think a shower is in order, don't you?"

"I'll be waiting in the bathroom."

"Wait!" Jake yelped. Dirk turned around, and Jake popped a kiss on his lips. "Okay!"

"Dork."


	5. 3 way with john

John's been at Jake's for about an hour now, fresh out of band camp and they'd been talking nonstop since Dirk picked him up. They'd planned this for a while- a month away from each other and then three solid days of hangout time. So John didn't mind when Dirk stayed with them, or said he wanted to stay the night. He was a pretty cool guy, actually! And as long as he and Jake didn't start dry-humping each other in front of him, John figured he had no reason to complain.

"So, John. Would you like to watch something? We've all sorts of movies-" Dirk snorts, and Jake rolls his eyes. "Oh, don't be crude. I wouldn't show him such a thing."

"Uh, what?"

"Nothing, doll. So, what'll it be? Tomb Raider?"

"Pretty sure you're the only human on the planet who likes that movie," Dirk snorts.

"Oh, fine, then. We could go for dinner. I could pick up some Chinese? Or Thai, if you'd rather."

Dirk whispers something in Jake's ear, too quiet for John to make out, and Jake smiles and kisses his cheek.

"Uh." Jake looks at John expectantly. "Don't go out of your way for me."

"Jake does not 'go out of his way.' Dirk makes fingerquotes in the air. "He probably had a taste for it anyways."

"Are you trying to say something, darling?"

"Nothing at all, sugarlumpkins."

"Dirk, if I ever hear that out of your mouth again, so help me." Jake licks his lips and Dirk smirks and wow this is suddenly really awkward and weird.

"Maybe I should go? Pick up the food? Or something else, whatever, uh, if you have errands-"

"You're embarrassing him, babycakes."

"Am I, John?"

"Uhhhh." He waits for an answer. "I'm more embarrassed for you?" _Haha yeah good job with the words there._

"Don't be, daftie. We're just as confident as can be about our rampant sexual appetites." He leans back into Dirk's chest and Dirk wraps his arms around him.

John turns bright pink. "Right, yeah, well. Good for you! Do you need a minute? I could go to-"

Dirk snorts again. "A minute? Please. Do you last a minute, John?"

"I- well, no, obviously not. But it's me, I mean- just- agh, nevermind."

"I don't even know what you're trying to get at." Jake makes a funny sound and John realizes that Dirk is running his hands up his shirt, jesus fuck how far are they going to take this? Dirk keeps his eyes level on John's. "Well?"

"I mean, if it wasn't me, it'd be quicker, right?" He can't take his eyes off the two of them, pressed against each other like that, knowing they'd probably be sweaty and shirtless by now if he wasn't in the room.

"Not really. Jake here is a little quick sometimes, but even he lasts five minutes when he's keyed u- _ow._"

"Do _not_ go telling people the rate of my sexual stamina, dickfuck! What's wrong with you?"

"I think you're missing the point, baby."

"And what's that?"

"That he's a virgin and doesn't want to be."

Jake gasps, the dick. "Really? Blinkin' heck, John!"

"I didn't even say that!"

"You didn't have to," Dirk purrs.

"I- I'm gonna go. Yeah, yeah I am, I'm gone, bye."

"John, c'mon, we can show you the ropes." John stares at Dirk, there's no way he heard that right.

"What?" Jake screeches. Welp, guess he did.

"Shhh, baby, wouldn't it be hot? Think about it." Jake blinks and, after a moment, starts to grin. Oh god, John's so screwed (literally? What even is this situation?). "There we go. John, come here." Dirk pats a pillow next to him.

John feels like he probably shouldn't, that he should flat-out deny the offer and leave for a few hours, until Dirk and Jake have fucked this out of each other's system. But he doesn't. He crosses the room and sits next to them.

The corner of Dirk's lip quirks up slightly _why was that so friggin hot _and without another word, he lays a palm on Jake's shoulder and turns him around. And they start kissing. Not two feet away from John. Jake slips his hands to Dirk's waist and holds him as he wraps his arms around him, and they press their lips together for a moment before pulling back barely an inch. Then they do it again, longer. And again. Then Jake parts his lips just barely, and Dirk sucks his upper lip into his mouth and they start really… wow. Okay.

John can hear their breaths over the soft sound of mouths smacking together, can see a slick shine of spit on Jake's skin as Dirk's tongue drags gently across the inside of Jake's upper lip. Should he be doing something? Didn't they want him to do something?

Dirk pulls away (and Jake makes this little noise _oh god fucking dammit_) and takes John's wrist in his hand. Jake whispers in his ear something about tasting "just scrummy," which sounds gross but apparently means good, because Dirk lets go of John for a moment to kiss Jake again, open-mouthed, and run his tongue over his. Jake gasps and moans into his mouth. Then, he lets go and grins at John.

"You like that?" His voice is thick and his cheeks are flushed slightly.

John seems to have lost his voice entirely. It's gone. It fled to a land where boners grow on trees and jizzrain makes the assflowers bloom. He's surprised he has the brainpower to nod.

"So cute. Wanna try?" Dirk asks, crawling forward smoothly until he's laying beside John, running his palm over his chest. It makes John's breath catch in his throat and he stares at Dirk- scarred skin, stubble, glowing eyes behind those dumbass glasses… and pale pink lips all swollen and wet from biting. He doesn't think and then he's on him, cluelessly mimicking what he just watched.

Dirk pulls back not ten seconds later, and Jake starts cackling behind them. "Good God, John, what _was _that?" Oh god this is like a bad dream. John just walked on a podium in front of his entire graduating class and realized he was naked and they were all laughing at his dick and-

"Baby, don't be so hard on him. Do you have any idea how shitty our first kiss was?" Jake rolls his eyes. "You left teeth marks on my fucking chin." Dirk turns his attention back to John, his eyes going soft, and he strokes his cheek softly with his thumb. "Follow my lead, okay? You're fine, you'll catch on."

His voice is so gentle, such a contrast to the sharp amusement he was just speaking to Jake with, and it's perfect. John feels his heart practically leap into his throat. Why did he like being talked to like that? "Yeah, okay." He bites his lip.

Dirk leans forward and presses his lips against John's, and John lets him lead. He can feel his lips, really feel them now. They're soft, _wow_. John never thought a guy could be so soft. Not that he thought about that before. Nope. Weird.

This time is different. They establish a slow, burning rhythm, and when Dirk starts opening his mouth just the tiniest bit to lick at him, John gasps. It's weird, definitely not "yummy" or whatever Jake said… but hot. Literally and figuratively hot as fuck.

Jake (finally) seems to think so too. He breathes out "Oh, wow," the second their tongues touch, then John hears him start to undo his pants. "Touch him, John. Like this." John jolts when he feels breath on his neck- when did Jake get behind him? But before he can freak out properly, Jake's running his fingers down John's sides, _oh fuck _he had no idea he was so sensitive there. Dirk hasn't stopped kissing him, but John feels him smirk into it just as his hand slips down to pull his shirt up and then holy shit Jake's fingers are touching his bare skin, and it's a hundred times more intense, ten separate fingertips running down his chest and stomach and the spare tire around his abs _oh god._ There's breath in his ear and it makes his skin shiver and he can't believe this is actually _happening_ to _him._ "Touch him."

John touches Dirk. His skin is warm, almost velvety. Maybe that's just sex logic, but it doesn't make a difference to John. And wow, is Dirk responsive. He gasps when John's middle finger brushes over one of his nipples, takes the air right out of John's mouth.

"Good boy, fantastic," Jake whispers and starts to lick at his ear. John's movements falter and he moans out loud for the first time. He can barely believe how he sounds. "Great goodness, he sings so sweetly. Doesn't he, darling?" Dirk makes a little affirmative sound and Jake's hands start trailing lower, start unbuckling John's belt. _Holy shit._ "John, might I give you a wristy?"

"Dude." Dirk chortles.

John fights the urge to comment because yes. Yes he would. "Please," he says, and pulls Dirk back to kiss him again.

"My, my, my. Quite the scrubber, aren't we, Egbert?" His nails dig in to John's hips and John can't hold back a loud moan. "Didn't expect you to take to it so very quickly." He drags his nails down until he reaches the band of John's boxers, then dips under it and fingers along his trail. "You and Dirk are quite a sight to see. Wonder how you'd look with your cock buried in deep in his arse?" John arches back and gasps involuntarily at the thought, leaning back into Jake's thin, toned chest. "You dirty, dirty boy. Think you can go again?" He starts rubbing his palm over John's dick, slowly rubbing the base and gripping his balls, and that little touch is enough to make John's eyes roll back in pleasure.

"Hmm?" It's impossible to think.

"Can you get it up again, after?"

"Ah, uh, yeah?" He's pretty sure he's normal in that area. He'd looked up averages online when he was in high school, read up on everything he could find about the male sex to make himself feel better about not getting any. That's what he'd been telling himself, at least. Now, he wasn't so sure it was purely scientific.

Dirk starts kissing his neck and _Jesus balls holy fuck_ how did he ever exist outside of this moment?

Dirk moves lower, starting in on his chest just as Jake starts really jerking him off. He bites and sucks at a nipple for a few moments, and then lowers himself to John's stomach and-

"Oh, _fuck-_ Dirk, are you-"

"Keep moaning like that." John groans and Jake starts sucking at his neck and Dirk hooks his fingers around John's boxers and tugs them down. John always thought he'd be embarrassed the first time he was naked around someone, but he doesn't care. He just wants that mouth on him, wants to keep leaning into Jake and feeling his random, reverent wandering touches- away from his cock, now, up and down his sides, making him gasp and arch back into him. "Dirk sucks fantastic cock."

"Oh, shit."

"You'll see. It's like he was born for it." Jake's legs wrap around John's waist and he runs his foot down Dirk's back. Dirk makes a soft little sound and starts a long, sucking kiss at the dark hair of his trail, moving lower gradually. John bites his lip and groans as Dirk moves to the right _just _a moment too soon, and starts nipping at the insides of his legs and licking at his balls with the soft, smart tongue. He's going to lose his mind. He's gonna blow before Dirk even starts, he can't…

"Please, Dirk, I can't…"

Dirk kisses his thigh one last time before pulling back and looking at John heatedly. "You're so fucking hot." And he leans over and-

_Oh._

John gasps harshly at the first contact, the broad swathes Dirk lays at the base, and then. John feels like his heart is about to beat out of his chest when Dirk starts smoothly running that silky tongue up, swelling the muscle with the pulse of John's heart that he must be feeling in the vein. John cries his name in a voice he didn't know he had.

Dirk repeats that, slowly building up the pressure and pleasure beyond anything John hard thought possible, and Jake starts pinching his nipples between his fingers. Was that supposed to feel good on a guy? There was no way it was supposed to be _that_ good.

"Oh, John, you're so scrumptious like this. I'd love to eat you, lick you where you've never touched."

"You what?"

"You're not ready. Safety first, dear boy, can't be getting tetanus!" Okay, ew. "But I'll help you. It's not hard to clean down there, once you know what you're do-"

Dirk pulls off with an obscene slurp, ignoring John's small whine. "Not sexy, baby."

Jake bites into John's neck hard, and his eyes roll back. "Yes he is, look at him." He grabs Dirk's hair and pushes him back on John's dick, not waiting for a response, then licks back up to his ear and keeps going. "We can do that next. You'll love it. Dirk can suck you while I fuck you with my tongue-" John feels Jake tremble, and then he to grind his erection against his back, _fuck_. "How you feeling, doll?" Jake whispers into his ear hotly.

"Unnnh."

"Good. You'll give us a good nut, won't you? Please, share it with us. We'd so love if you did, John." Dirk starts swirling his tongue around the head, and the sensation is indescribably good.

"_Ah,_ fuck, no shit." John winds his fingers through Dirk's hair and pulls softly, and Jake chuckles against his ear.

"Thank you."

And Dirk takes him down.

Everything is a fuzzy, lust-filled haze for a few minutes. Every direction John moves, every jerk of his hips or arms or chest sends him closer into a warm, eager body focused on his pleasure. Four hands running all over him, two mouths, two strong legs around his hips, one burning chest against his back. It's too much after what feels like no time at all. John tugs Dirk's hair in warning.

"Gonna. Yeah, fuck, please, I'm gonna-"

Dirk takes him deeper _oh god he wants to eat his spunk _and John comes, arching his shoulders hard into Jake's chest and moaning and jerking, and Dirk keeps bobbing his head until his jolts become tremors.

Dirk catches it all in his mouth, but John doesn't feel him swallow. He doesn't even give it a second thought until Dirk pulls back and sits up, weirdly quiet, and leans towards Jake. He rests his thumb on Jake's chin and Jake opens his mouth and they-

Oh god, they're. With his.

"_Fuuuuuck_." It's so hot. John wishes he could jerk off while it was right in front of him, while he can hear his come slicking against their tongues. But he can't move. All he can do is watch as Dirk pushes Jake down and they start rutting against each other. He doesn't know who to pay more attention to. Dirk definitely makes more noise, but Jake's body moves in this way, like he's figured out the formula for sensuality and now he's working it to the letter. John's star-struck as he watches them unzip their pants, and line themselves up and just. Start humping each other's dicks. Is that even a thing? Or did they just make it up?

Even hotter is the sound they make when they come. Dirk has this broken, high moan that gets caught in his throat, and Jake gasps and groans Dirk's name a few thrusts later, digging his fingers into Dirk's back so hard he leaves dark marks in his skin.

And then they make out, again. John's not sure how long, but they fall on top of each other afterwards and nuzzle into each other's necks. Dirk sighs contentedly and raises an eyebrow at John.

"Are you going to cuddle with us or, just sit over there like a loser?" He lifts the corner of a blanket up as he pulls it over him and a sleepy, smiling Jake. John doesn't have to be asked twice. "Show you more when we wake up, sleep tight." Dirk kisses John's forehead and wraps a lazy arm around his waist. This is it. John's in happy sexy heaven.


End file.
